Ole' Grouch for President

I HAVE DECIDED TO BECOME A WRITE-IN CANDIDATE

FOR PRESIDENT IN THE YEAR 2012..
HERE IS MY PLATFORM

1. No foreign aid...period. Until we get our house in order we don't need to be spending money on other countries.

2. Bring all our troops home from overseas and place them on the Mexican border to stop the invasion from the south.

3. You will not draw a welfare check until you can pass a urine test. No pass, no money, and your kids are gone until you've been clean for six months. If you draw welfare you are not allowed to smoke,drink, or do any other thing other than to live a decent life.

4. Any trade with foreign countries will be dollar for dollar, we will not take a beating at our expense.

5. China will forgive us any debt we owe them. After all, if it weren't for us they'd all speak Japanese now.

6. We will stop at nothing to win what ever wars we happen to fight. The Geneva Conventions are things only we "civilized" countries follow, and the barbarians we fight think we are sissies because we have sissy rules for fighting.

7. I will abolish the homeland security department and let our regular intelligence agencies do their jobs. The CIA would be the "czar" for intelligence and everyone would answer for them.

8. Any news organization that revealed national secrets would cease to exist, and the powers that be in that organization would be tried for treason!

9. If you are one of the despotic leaders that longs for the day that the "great Satan" no longer exists and send your mindless minions to attack us...your ass will be nuked! I will not tolerate people who would do us harm.

10. If you are a Hollywood elite or an ordinary citizen and you take it upon yourself to bemoan the actions that the US has to take from time to time to protect itself from little banana republic dictators such as So Damn Insane(Saddam Hussein) and some of the other odious crew. I will deport you to that country and you can live there if you think it's so great.

11. If you come to this county illegally you will be shot if you get caught crossing the border like a thief in the night. If you are caught here you will be taken to this nearest boarder and told to leave and to never come back. Anyone who hired you to work will be horse whipped and fined.

12. If you draw welfare and are able bodied, you will do something to EARN the money the tax-payers have to give you. You can pick up trash, trim tree's, plant gardens and any number of things that needs done. Nobody, except for the very young or very old, or disabled will be allowed to lay up on their sorry butt and not work. You don't work, you will starve and you will lose any children you may have "whelped" in the mean time.

13 The National Education Department would be abolished on the very first day of my new administration. Local school boards would decide what to teach their local children and they could fund their schools through local tax levies or bonds. It's not the states business to education children, it ultimately the parents responsibility to see to it.

14 I would open up every oil field in the USA and demand that companies build refineries to produce the by products of oil. If the companies wouldn't do it, then the government would do it. We do not have a shortage of oil, just a shortage of folks that are honest and who have the best interest of our country at heart. Nuclear Power plants would be built, and pronto. I'm sick to death of the small movement of environmentalist wacko's dictating terms to the rest of the country!

15 There would be no new taxes levied, in fact there would be a flat tax where EVERYONE would pay the same percentage whether they were a billionaire or a welfare recipient. Fair means we all pay the same and by God that is what I would do.

16 That crazy "nutjob" over in North Korea would be dead with in a week after I took office.

17. The crazy "nutjob" over in Iran would be dead sooner that it took for me to sign papers to become the new president. In fact, I'd time it just as I said "so help me God" when I finished taking my oath of office.

18 The global warming nuts would be silenced. I wouldn't allow such access and they surly wouldn't get me to spout off about that fictitious crap!

19 English is our language and you will speak it fluently or you will get out. I will not press 1 for English! You either speak English or get the heck out of my country.

If you can think of anything else to add before the filing deadline, just let me know. God help us all if I got elected to the presidency...it would be a very lively time in our country.